Sheriff Andy Taylor: You could put a sign in the window saying 'Two Chairs - No Waiting.'
Floyd Lawson: Two chairs... and I've got the magazines to swing it!
Andy Taylor: Well, as Mark Twain said, everybody complains about the weather but nobody does anything about it.
Floyd Lawson: Did he say that?
Andy Taylor: Mm-hmm.
Floyd Lawson: I thought Calvin Coolidge said that.
Andy Taylor: No, no Floyd, Calvin Coolidge didn't say that.
Floyd Lawson: What'd Calvin Coolidge say?
[Goober thinks he has whiplash]
Goober Pyle: Floyd made the diagnosis.
Andy Taylor: Floyd, what do you know about whiplash?
Floyd Lawson: What do you mean? A barber does a lot of work around the back of the neck.
[after a haircut at Floyd's]
Andy Taylor: Floyd.
Floyd Lawson: What's the matter?
Andy Taylor: My sideburns.
Floyd Lawson: Your sideburns - what's the matter with your sideburns?
Andy Taylor: Why, they're both even.
Floyd Lawson: Well, I'll be dogged. How'd that happen?
Andy Taylor: I declare, Floyd, I believe you're getting the hang of it. And looka there - they're the right length and everything.